Unpacking Second Thoughts

My trip to Italy for a faith and art retreat is less than two months away and I'm already packing my bags. The space in my suitcase is filling up fast.

The retreat leader sent a list of art supplies we need to bring with us and the only thing I recognized was an apron. 

I’ve never heard of gesso or matte medium and I'm especially wondering what an HB pencil is. There are specific sizes of paintbrushes, types of pens, adhesives and erasers to buy. 

Oh and a journaling Bible, too. {I might even have to leave a pair of shoes behind to make room in the suitcase for the Bible.}

So I made a trip to an art supply store where I thought I could find what I needed, but when I saw an entire aisle devoted just to paintbrushes, I quickly realized I needed professional help. 

That's when Lex from Sam Flax appeared at my elbow, eager to assist. 

After asking me what kind of painting would I be doing {I had no idea} and would I be using the gesso on canvas {huh?}, Lex could clearly see I was an art supply novice. So he said he'd take care of everything. 

I happily handed him my list and off he went to gather my supplies in a little basket. 

With Lex dispatched as my personal shopper, I was free to check out the journals and greeting cards that were much more my style.

He brought me the bottles of gesso and matte medium and paused dreamily {the way I imagine artists do} and asked me if I was sure I could get them through security at the airport. 

I said I had no idea, but I told him my brother-in-law checks his guns as baggage when he goes on hunting trips so surely gesso and matte medium could fly?

He assured me they weren't flammable and suggested maybe I could pour them into smaller bottles and mark them as shampoo or lotion, just in case customs had any questions.

Then he said, "I don't think I'd want to fly with your brother-in-law." As we both stared at the gesso and matte medium, he said {very slowly}, "On second thought, maybe I DO want to fly with your brother-in-law."

Even Lex has second thoughts. 

As do I.

As I looked at the paint and sketchbooks and brushes surrounding me, a little art-anxiety started seeping into my soul. 

Months ago when the details were vague, I thought I could give this art thing a try, even though my last art class was during elementary school. I thought maybe I’d learn a new skill or even if I didn’t, it might be funny to write about. 

But as it gets closer, I’m having second thoughts. I often have to fight my feelings of inferiority when trying something new and I’m afraid art classes might bring out my worst worries. 

But I have to go on this trip. 

And not because I've already booked all my travel plans. {And bought my art supplies.}

This art and faith creative retreat is an invitation from God to go on a new adventure with him. 

Have you ever just known that you have to go? 

On a new adventure, to a place beyond the comforts of your cozy circle, to a risky ridge where you might encounter God like never before?

I didn’t have any travel plans for this year, but somehow I think this beautiful crossroads of art and faith is where I’m supposed to be. 

So I'm unpacking my second thoughts from my suitcase and leaving them behind.

Without them, there's more space for God and me to create a new storyline in my life. One that blends who I already am with who I am becoming.

Writer, art student, follower of God. I wonder what else I could be that I never imagined for myself. 

{You too?} 

  ". . . God who calls things that are not as though they were." Rom. 4:17

Are there second thoughts about yourself or God or a dream that might be weighing you down? What if you unpacked those thoughts from your life and freed up the space to explore a new name or new experience God might have for you?

I wonder if we'd discover the bravery and boldness that comes not from our strength, but his. Would we corral the courage to do whatever it is -- to fulfill his holy purposes -- that he intended for each one of us long ago? Could we overcome our fears and insecurities and nerves to encounter the goodness he has for us?

I know these truths can carry us across an ocean, across town or across the street to reach what he has called us to do. And I hope you know it too.

When Lex at Sam Flax finished shopping for me, he wished me a good trip and told me to send him a postcard.

Maybe I'll create one with my new paintbrushes. Or at least send him a note with my HB pencil.

{Just as soon as I figure out what HB means.}

I'm linking up with my friends at Bonnie Gray's Faith Barista and at Holley Gerth's place at Coffee for your Heart. Join us there!